Ever After Les Miserables
by Enjia
Summary: The cast of Les Miz is forced to act out the movie Ever After. Crazy messed up romance ensues AN: Wrote this when I was younger, obviously...


Ever After Les Misérables 

Ah, but another one of those horrible stories in which the characters of Les Miz are forced to perform against their will, the horror, THE HORROR!!! 

_So, again, the cast of Les Misérables is assembled looking very unhappy, yet again…_

Enjolras: I can't believe you are making us do this again! 

Marius: This is utterly ridiculous _::This is said while still nursing a bruise on his head::_

Cosette: Oh Marius, does it still hurt? 

Marius: Yes, it does. _::He casts a dirty look at Javert::_

Javert: Hey, don't look at me, I didn't hit you. 

Cosette: But it was your fault! 

Javert: It is not my fault that your little husband ran into a wall 

Marius: You were chasing me! 

Javert: You were behaving like a four year old! 

Marius: You're mean! 

Javert: Oh, get over it! 

Me: Okay people, I guess you are wondering why I have forced all of you to be here today… 

Eponine: Don't make us act again, please! 

Me: Sorry, no can do. I have brought you all together for a purpose. 

Grantaire: Hey, wait, if I remember correctly from my drunken stupor, you guys left the show together… 

Enjolras: Don't start Grantaire… 

Eponine: Not now 

Enjolras: Not today 

Grantaire: Ah, trouble in paradise it seems. 

Me: Anyway, today, special offer for you, you are not going to be performing a musical 

Enjolras: Huzzah! 

Grantaire: Let's go home then- 

Me: Not quite that easy my friends… 

Valjean: Uh oh, here it comes 

Me: We are going to be performing a movie 

Bahorel: So that means that those of us that were completely left out of the musical might actually get a part? 

Me: It's a possibility… 

Azelma: Huzzah! 

Me: Azelma? I didn't even know you were here 

Azelma: No one ever does. 

Me: Anyway… 

Javert: You were talking about a movie of some sort, let's get on with this 

Me: Yes, thank you Javert, you are ever so helpful 

Marius: _::cou-_Teacher's pet_-gh::_

Javert: Do you want to start something? 

Marius: What me? I just had a sore throat! 

Javert: Oh, I'll give you a sore throat _::Advances menacingly::_

Me: People! Come on, you don't even know what we are going to be performing yet!!! 

Grantaire: So this is about the time that you're supposed to tell us… 

Me: Okay, we're performing, drum roll please _::silence, only crickets can be heard:: _Fine then, we are performing Ever After! 

Javert: That stupid Cinderella ChickFlick?! _::gets dirty g__lare from __Me:: _I mean, oh, I cannot wait… 

Me: Good, now that's the spirit 

Enjolras: Let's just get on with this 

Grantaire: Someone's in a rush this morning. Now I have to wonder if is to get away _with_ someone _::casts look at Eponine, who only glares:: _or to get away _from_ someone 

Enjolras: Oh Grantaire, do you ever let up? 

Grantaire: Never! 

Me: Okay, now for the casting. We have two options here. One, we stay with the regular casting and do not make men into women and the such. This casting would be Eponine as Danielle, Cosette as Marguerite, Azelma as Jacqueline- 

Azelma: Wait, I actually have a part? A speaking part? 

Me: Yes, a speaking part indeed. 

Azelma: Huzzah!!! 

Me: Anyway, Enjolras as Prince Henry, Marius as- 

Enjolras: Hold on one second! Did you just say Prince Henry? As in the Prince of France? You have got to be kidding me! 

Javert: Oh this is too good. 

Grantaire: Our revolutionary as the Prince of France? Oh this is rich, this is just perfect! Oh this is so- 

Enjolras: Impossible! You are, you, I, Prince of France?! 

Grantaire: Ah, glib as ever I see. 

Me: I'm sorry, but it's just the way the casting came out. 

Javert: I cannot get over this 

Enjolras: What is the other option? 

Me: Well, that would involve you as Danielle… 

Enjolras: Oh, I am not being a girl again! 

Me: But then you can still have your beliefs about the people and try to change the monarch and- 

Enjolras: be a girl!!! 

Me: So you want option one? 

Enjolras: The Prince of France? What did I do to deserve this? Couldn't I just be the odd little fellow Danielle is friends with? 

Me: I don't think we can arrange that. Okay, so then the rest of the casting is Marius as Gustave 

Marius: Oh, I hate these platonic relationship things 

Cosette: Marius! 

Marius: I meant that I want to be with you! 

Grantaire: Sure he did 

Me: Valjean as Leonardo da Vinci, Fantine as the Queen of France, Javert as the King of France 

Javert: Ha! Now the boy will have to listen to me, I'll be his father! Now I must uphold the law! Ha! 

Enjolras: Oh, this seems like déjà vu of my real life. 

Javert: You are all my loyal subjects, ha, bow before your king! 

Valjean: I don't know if it was such a good idea to give Javert the power of a king. 

Me: I'm starting to agree. Okay, and Grantaire as Laurent 

Courfeyrac: The faithful friend and guardian, oh that's rich 

Me: And Mme. Thenardier as the Baroness 

Valjean: Good casting 

Me: And Montparnasse as Le Pieu 

Eponine: Perfect casting on that part, Parnasse 

Montparnasse: Oh, I actually get a part this time? Thanks 

Me: I appreciate the sarcasm. And, is that everyone? _::checks list:: _Everyone important at least 

Feuilly: Thanks 

Combeferre: It's nice to know we are important 

Courfeyrac: I feel special 

Joly: I feel sick 

Me: Okay we'll start with the good part, so far we have met the very mean Baroness, and her two daughters the beautiful but stuck up Marguerite, and the nice little Jacqueline. Now remember Danielle's mother is dead and her father died when she was eight. The baroness made her a servant in her own home. Now the scene starts with our own Prince of France _::Enter _ _Enjolras:: _climbing down the side of his castle and trying to run away. 

Enjolras: Please, please reconsider your casting choice! I'll be anyone, but not the prince of France 

Me: How about the king? 

Enjolras: Now you are just mocking me. 

Javert: You can bet she is, for I am the king, Huzzah for me! 

Me: Okay so Prince Henry has climbed down the side of his castle on a rope of sheets. 

Enjolras: This story is already ridiculous! 

Me: Just do it! 

Enjolras: Yes, all right, now I climbed down the castle, now what? 

Me: Well, get on your high horse and- 

Enjolras: Excuse me? 

Me: Get on your horse and run away, come on! 

Enjolras: If you say so 

Me: Okay, now Danielle you wake up by the fireplace in your rags and- 

Eponine: Ah, rags, this reoccurring theme of my life 

Enjolras: Javert can be the Prince, he would make such a good prince, he could do both parts, I'll be over there- 

Me: Come on Enjolras 

Enjolras: Combeferre can do it 

Me: Enjolras… 

Enjolras: How about Feuilly? 

Me: Come on, now Danielle is picking apples in the orchard and on her way back to the house she sees you, on her horse 

Enjolras: Combeferre would make a fine prince 

Me: Now ride by and Eponine, you throw an apple at Enjolras and hit him off the horse 

Eponine: Love to, I like this part already! 

Enjolras: Or Marius _::Eponine throws apple, hits Enjolras squarely in the head, he falls off the horse:: _(Nursing his head)Well that was fun 

Eponine: _::continues to throw apples:: _**Thief! This will teach you to steal my father's horse ** ****

Thenardier: A horse? Sounds like we've got food for the week 

Eponine and Azelma: Eww! 

Enjolras: **But my own has slipped it's shoe, I had no choice **or Bahorel! 

Eponine: **And our choice is what? To let you? **_::Enjolras's cape flips back over his head so that his face is visible. Eponine immediately drops into a bow:: _**Forgive me your highness I did not see you**

Enjolras: (touching his hand to his head) **Your aim would suggest otherwise **How about Bossuet? 

Eponine:** And for this I know I must die**

Enjolras: Death for hitting someone with an apple? Where is our liberty? I hate this role, you are doing this just to torture me! How about Joly, he could be the prince! 

Me: Anyway, you give Eponine a bag of gold coins not to tell anyone about seeing him and he rides away. Next scene! 

Enjolras: I hate this! I mean, even Grantaire would make a better prince than I would 

Grantaire: Thanks 

Me: Yes, we realize that you hate this and yes, you will be the prince! 

Enjolras: What kind of sick, sadistic pleasure do you get from forcing us to do this? 

Me: More than you realize. Okay people, so Danielle goes and she tells her servant friends that she is going to use the money to purchase back one of the servant's husband. Marguerite makes fun of you and that's about it for now. Now Enjolras on the other hand has met Valjean and saved the Mona Lisa from gypsy bandits 

Javert: Not likely 

Me: Javert! Anyway, the royal guard and his best friend and captain of the guard, Laurent, have caught Enjolras. They go back to the castle 

Enjolras: Please do not make us do this movie! 

Me: Hey, it's not my fault you and Eponine had a spat and you are in a bad mood! 

Enjolras: We did not have a spat! 

Eponine: You left me there 

Enjolras: You gave me no choice 

Eponine: I did not mean to- 

Enjolras: Oh, but you did 

Eponine: I couldn't help it 

Enjolras: And I couldn't help leaving 

Grantaire: Now this is getting interesting… 

Enjolras: Be quiet Grantaire! 

Me: Even though I would love to hear the rest of this conversation, we are up to an important scene so… 

Enjolras: Fine, let's just get this over with 

Me: Who let Mr. Sunshine out? Okay, so, Eponine has come to pay for the release of one of her servants, in the dress of a noblewoman, which is illegal and punishable by five days in the stocks. 

Eponine: **This man is my servant and I am here to pay the debt against him (etc.)**

Me: Now the mean guard starts to yell at her but here comes our hero Henry now! 

Enjolras: **How dare you raise your voice to a lady!**

Me: The mean boss tries to explain as does Eponine, who fears the Prince will recognize her as the servant who hit him, but he doesn't. The mean man tells Henry that by order of the king these 'convicts' 

Valjean: What? 

Me: are being taken to the coast etc. 

Eponine: **A servant is not a thief and those who are cannot help themselves**

Enjolras: **Really? Well then, enlighten us**

Eponine: **If you suffer your people to be ill educated and their manors corrupted from birth and then punish these individuals for the crimes that their first education disposed them, then what else is to be concluded, sire, than that you first make thieves and then punish them?**

Enjolras: Exactly! 

Me: Enjolras, that isn't your line 

Enjolras: What? Oh yes, my line! **Release him**

Me: So the prince pardons Maurice the servant and then tries to talk to Danielle, because he liked her spirit, but she is afraid that he will find she is a servant 

Enjolras: **Please, I beg of you a name any name, **and not his! 

Eponine: **I fear the only name I can leave you with is Comtesse Nicole de Lancret **I said I was sorry! 

Me: But this is really Danielle's mother's name. Anyway, the queen comes out and Danielle takes the opportunity to flee. She goes back home for a joyful reunion of the servants. And Henry is yelled at by his father for trying to run away 

Javert: Ah yes, I finally get to punish the boy 

Enjolras: What fun... 

Javert: **I am in a foul disposition... **_::Valjean stifles back laughter::_

Grantaire: Break time! 

Me: What? No, not break time, work time! 

Grantaire: Break time! 

Marius: Huzzah, break time! 

Combeferre: Break time! 

Azelma: Finally, break time! 

Cosette: Huzzah! 

Javert: Break time! 

Valjean: Break time! 

Joly: I feel sick 

Me: Okay, fine, Break time! 

All: Huzzah! 

_In the male dressing area_

Grantaire: Enjolras, you need to tell someone about what happened with you and Eponine 

Enjolras: Well, I think the last person I would ever tell is you 

Grantaire: But you do have to tell someone, and I am your friend and confidant, at least in the movie 

Enjolras: You wouldn't understand 

Grantaire: But I would listen 

Enjolras: I guess that is something. Are you sober? 

Grantaire: Sober enough 

Enjolras: I guess I should tell someone 

Grantaire: I'm listening 

_Meanwhile, in Eponine's dressing room with Cosette and Azelma_

Cosette: What is with you and Enjolras? 

Eponine: Nothing 

Azelma: Come on Ep, tell me 

Cosette: It will make you feel better 

Eponine: (to Cosette) Well, I can't tell _you_

Cosette: Does it have to do with Marius? 

Eponine: Perhaps 

Cosette: I swear, you can tell me 

Eponine: Swear not to judge or tell Marius? 

Cosette: I swear 

ËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌËÌË 

Eponine: We went out to eat at this nice restaurant, it was amazing 

Enjolras: She seemed to be having a nice time 

Eponine: He was being so great 

Enjolras: I was really enjoying her company 

Eponine: I ate snails 

Enjolras: It was, I must admit, kind of cute the way she looked at the snails 

Eponine: And they were good! 

Enjolras: She was acting as if she had never been in a restaurant before 

Eponine: We went for a walk around the city 

Enjolras: Well, I, I took her hand in mine 

Eponine: It was so romantic 

Enjolras: It was dark and I did not want anything to happen to her 

Eponine: I felt safe 

Enjolras: I know the kind of people who are on the streets 

Eponine: The lights looked so beautiful in the river 

Enjolras: She looked so beautiful 

Eponine: He said I looked beautiful 

Enjolras: Well, she took her hand away from mine and began to run, taunting me playfully 

Eponine: If he wanted me he would have to catch me 

Enjolras: She had taken my necktie 

Eponine: He looked so cute when he realized what I had done 

Enjolras: Well I caught her 

Eponine: He caught me 

Enjolras: She can run quite fast you know 

Eponine: He ran real fast 

Enjolras: We were both laughing by that point 

Eponine: His laugh is so comforting, I love it 

Enjolras: It surprised me because I seldom do so 

Eponine: I put the tie back around his neck 

Enjolras: And her laugh is so beautiful 

Eponine: But I had no idea how to tie it 

Enjolras: I had to help her tie it though 

Eponine: Well, he took my hand and showed me how 

Enjolras: So she was able to tie it in the end 

Eponine: Now I can tie one if there is ever need be 

Enjolras: And I grabbed her hand, I don't know what came over me 

Eponine: He took my hand again 

Enjolras: Well, I don't know how 

Eponine: Don't ask me but 

Enjolras: We wound up close 

Eponine: I wanted him to kiss me 

Enjolras: I wanted to kiss her, I am human you know! And there is nothing I can do with the revolution, I can't do any of the things that I am used to, no speeches, or barricades. Frankly, I'm sick of it. It's completely against my character but 

Eponine: He leaned in and 

Enjolras: I stopped 

Eponine: He wouldn't do it 

Enjolras: We were in a public place, I did not want to besmirch her reputation 

Eponine: And what was worse 

Enjolras: Even though I did take her hand again 

Eponine: When it was time to part company 

Enjolras: I kissed her hand 

Eponine: He kissed my hand! What is with them? The forehead, then the hand, do they not know what part of the body is made for kissing? What do they teach them in those schools? 

Enjolras: She seemed disappointed 

Eponine: I was extremely disappointed 

Enjolras: I don't know why 

Eponine: Am I too hideous for Enjolras to even consider kissing? 

Enjolras: She seemed sad too 

Eponine: Did he take me out to dinner out of pity? 

Enjolras: I really did want to kiss her 

Eponine: I know he is chaste and everything 

Enjolras: But I have principles 

Eponine: That is one of the greatest, sweetest and cutest things about him 

Enjolras: And I would not want to overstep the boundaries 

Eponine: But I wanted him to kiss me! 

Enjolras: But she looked so beautiful 

Eponine: And he is the handsomest man I have ever seen! 

Enjolras: I went back the next day 

Eponine: He actually came back again 

Enjolras: She seemed a bit surprised 

Eponine: I never thought he would come back to see me again 

Enjolras: I couldn't stop thinking about her 

Eponine: He wanted to take me out to dinner again 

Enjolras: She seemed, I don't know, skeptical. 

Eponine: I was even more surprised now. 

Enjolras: She said yes 

Eponine: I was really happy 

Enjolras: I was so relieved 

Eponine: He looked as though he thought that I would reject him 

Enjolras: I was afraid she still wanted Marius. 

Eponine: He gave me some money 

Enjolras: I asked her to purchase appropriate evening attire 

Eponine: He told me to buy a dress 

Enjolras: I would have bought it for her 

Eponine: Imagine me, going into a store to buy, and these were his exact words, it was so cute 'appropriate evening attire' 

Enjolras: But I couldn't very well go into a women's clothing store 

Eponine: I had never been in one of those fancy-pansy stores 

Enjolras: I still have some dignity left. 

Eponine: To tell you the truth I was looking forward to it 

Enjolras: I remembered how beautiful she looked in the last play 

Eponine: I wanted a dress like Cosette had 

Enjolras: I went to her house 

Eponine: And here was the big problem 

Enjolras: She did look beautiful 

Eponine: I was wearing the dress 

Enjolras: I again took her hand 

Eponine: He was always such a gentleman 

Enjolras: And then she surprised me 

Eponine: I mean, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek 

Enjolras: I was flabbergasted 

Eponine: He was even cuter when he was surprised 

Enjolras: I, it was odd 

Eponine: He put his hand to his cheek 

Enjolras: But nice 

Eponine: Like he really appreciated such a small token of gratitude 

Enjolras: Surprisingly nice actually 

Eponine: When he had done so much for me 

Enjolras: I was actually happy 

Eponine: We were both happier after that 

Enjolras: I thought this signified that the night was going to go well 

Eponine: I know I was 

Enjolras: So we began walking again 

Eponine: I thought that this night was going to be the best one of my life 

Enjolras: And then it happened 

Eponine: I can't believe it 

Enjolras: She said 

Eponine: I called him 

Enjolras: 'I was looking forward to tonight, 

Eponine: Marius! 

Enjolras: She actually called me Marius! 

Eponine: I couldn't believe what I had just said 

Enjolras: I couldn't believe it 

Eponine: He looked shocked 

Enjolras: I was speechless 

Eponine: I tried to apologize 

Enjolras: She said she was sorry 

Eponine: But he did not believe me 

Enjolras: I knew she was still in love with Marius 

Eponine: He looked hurt 

Enjolras: She will always be in love with Marius 

Eponine: I felt terrible 

Enjolras: And I can never change that 

Eponine: I wanted to cry 

Enjolras: Never 

Eponine: Seeing him like that 

Enjolras: So it's futile to try 

Eponine: So he just left 

Enjolras: I don't know how but before I realized it I was home 

Eponine: He didn't even say good-bye 

Enjolras: I just left her there 

Eponine: I watched him go 

Enjolras: It is for the better this way 

Eponine: And then I did cry 

Enjolras: Let her pine after Marius 

Eponine: But not because I felt bad for him 

Enjolras: But now I have nothing 

Eponine: I cried because I had sent him away 

Enjolras: No revolution 

Eponine: The only person who I felt I could trust and care for 

Enjolras: No barricade 

Eponine: The only person who could ever care for me 

Enjolras: No red 

Eponine: And he was gone 

Enjolras: Just black 

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Grantaire: Ah, that could explain it 

Enjolras: I can't believe I just bared my soul to you winecask 

Grantaire: Do you feel better now? 

Enjolras: No, now I have to worry about you keeping the secret 

Grantaire:  You have my word as a drunk 

Azelma: Oh dear, poor Enjolras 

Cosette: I can't believe it 

Eponine: I thought that I was completely over Marius! I mean, Enjolras is so much more handsome and strong and passionate and did I mention gorgeous? Oh and that cute red vest, he is greater than Marius in everything! I mean, Marius is like a girl and Enjolras, oh Enjolras is a man! Besides, Marius is so- 

Cosette: We get the idea 

Azelma: What in the world possessed you to call him Marius? 

Eponine:  I guess that in all my dreams it was Marius who did such nice things for me. And then all my dreams were coming true and in my mind I just got confused… 

Me: Okay, people, next scene! Now Danielle is outside picking mushrooms and Henry is walking with Leonardo da Vinci talking about love. They meet and discuss politics and argue but Danielle has to go for fear that someone will find her there. 

Javert: This is so stupid, you have really bad taste in movies. 

Me: So sue me 

Javert: Fine, I'll call me a lawyer, now where is that boy? Oh boy! I have a case for you! 

Enjolras: I don't do that anymore 

Javert: Well, you need some way to make a living, a barricade doesn't keep mouths fed. Being a lawyer does. 

Me: Oh help, something Javert said actually made sense, run away, hide, it's a sign of the apocalypse! 

Javert: Very funny, you just all know that I'm right is all! 

Eponine: _::shivers:: _Oh, I'm afraid 

Enjolras: Must we go into my life choices now? 

Grantaire: Yes, if he wants to be a drunken bum on the street, let him 

Enjolras: Oh, I'm sorry Grantaire, I didn't know I was taking your job 

Javert: Meow! 

Enjolras: We are not going to getting into this again Javert, I have sworn to myself not to strangle you with my bare hands and I do not intend to break that vow, though I will if I must! 

Javert: I wasn't afraid before and I am not afraid now, boy! 

Enjolras: Dix, neuf, huit, sept, six, cinq- 

Javert: Oh the boy can count, your parents must be so proud that you learned something in school. 

Valjean: You are such an antagonist Javert, just leave it be! 

Javert: Don't talk to me like that. If you had taken your own advice and left that bread to be then we wouldn't- 

Valjean: That was decades ago, elephants never forget do they? 

Javert: If you implying something about my weight monsieur… 

Valjean: Just give the kid a break, you are always on his back 

Javert: And your number is always on your chest, must we go into this? 

Me: Javert, do you want me to change your part to that of a girl? I'll do it you know 

Javert: That's blackmail! 

Me: So sue me- 

Enjolras: Oh no, that is how we got into this conversation in the first place! 

Me: You're right, okay next scene! Well, actually, the next good scene. Henry goes to Danielle's house when everyone else is away at church. 

Eponine: We need more breaks 

Me: No, we only have a limited amount of time 

Eponine: We have a limited amount of time? I thought you controlled us forever! 

Me: Oh that's true, but I do have a life you know 

Javert: Really? Could have fooled us 

Me: Javert, I'm sure that Fantine's costume would fit you 

Fantine: Yes, I'm sure it would Javert. Please, do try it on 

Javert: What, are you all in on this? 

Fantine: No it's true Javert, with a few nips and tucks this dress could fit you… 

Eponine: I think you would look quite good in it 

Javert: Arrgh, you are all against me! 

Valjean: Well, maybe if you would stop antagonizing everyone else 

Eponine: And leave Enjy alone! 

Enjolras: Thank you Eponine, but I can fight my own battles… 

Eponine: (to Azelma, worried) Oh, he is mad, he didn't even correct me about using his name 

Me: Okay, costumes everyone! 

_10 minutes later_

Grantaire: 64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer. You take one down, pass it around, 63 bottles of beer on the wall! Everybody! 

Feuilly: 63 bottles of beer on the wall. 

Bahorel: 63 bottles of beer 

Les Amis: You take one down, pass it around- 

Me: This break was supposed to be to get into costume, not to get drunk! 

Grantaire: Oh, sorry, we didn't know that 

_10 minutes later_

Grantaire: Negative 5 bottles of beer on the wall, negative 5 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, negative 6 bottles of beer on the wall! 

Enjolras: This has got to be a new low winecask 

Grantaire: Oh, we're not even close 

Me: Argh, you people! Twenty minutes and all you did was drink! I give up, I simply give up! 

Les Amis: Huzzah!!! 

Eponine: Oh, I actually feel kind of bad 

Fantine: We drove her insane 

Grantaire: Someone get the straightjacket 

Me: No, no, I will not let you people beat me. I'm a stronger man by far, there is power in me yet- 

Valjean: My race is not yet ru-uuuun! 

Me: Exactly! Now let's go! Henry, knock on the door 

Bossuet: Knock, knock 

Grantaire: Who's there? 

Me: No! Henry, knock on the door! 

Enjolras: My name is not Henry. 

Me: Yes, I know, whatever! So Henry invites Danielle to the monastery 

Eponine: **It is not fair your highness, you know my weakness but I do not know yours**

Enjolras: **I would think it was quite obvious. **_::Eponine blushes, or more truthfully she just pinches her cheeks::_**Captain Laurent, I will not be needing your services. Today I am simply Henry. **

Me: Okay, they take a carriage ride 

Grantaire: The two of them, alone in a small, enclosed area, if those walls could talk 

Enjolras: I doubt that will happen. 

Eponine: Listen Enjolras, I said I was sorry! 

Enjolras: I have no idea what you're talking about 

Eponine: Come on, forgiveness is an important quality in a man. 

Enjolras: Well it is too bad that I cannot be the man that you obviously so desperately want. 

Eponine: I don't want him! 

Enjolras: Anyway, the next scene is… 

Me: Oh yes, we're in the monastery 

Eponine: **I've never seen so many books in all my life**

Enjolras: **Pick one**

Eponine: **I could no sooner choose a favorite star in all the heavens**

Enjolras: **What is it that fascinates you so?**

Eponine: **I guess it is because when I was younger my father…(etc)**

Me: Okay, now the scene opens with Danielle and Henry in the forest and their carriage is broken. They could go back to the monastery but Danielle says… 

Eponine: **Really your highness, where is your sense of adventure?**

Enjolras: I don't know, why don't you ask Marius? Oh, please forgive me everyone, I am in a foul mood… 

Javert: We noticed 

Enjolras: (biting his tongue to keep from lashing out at a certain police inspector) **Well, if you put it that way…**

Me: Now we are in a different part of the forest 

Enjolras: Is this story going anywhere? 

Me: Well, you are supposed to be falling in love 

Enjolras: Why bother trying to do something so futile? Just a waste of time anyway 

Me: Okay, so Danielle is up a tree. In her undergarments 

Enjolras: Well, I must protest against that! 

Me: It's in the script. Believe me, the undergarments are not scandalous 

Enjolras: Well, they obviously are if they are called 'undergarments' 

Me: Then don't look! 

Enjolras: **You would think I would know the way to my own castle**

Eponine: **Honestly, why is it that men never ask for directions?**

Enjolras: **I still do not believe that I am down here while you are up there, and in your,** um, ahem **undergarments no less**

Eponine: **Well I couldn't very well climb up in my dress now could I? And you might break your royal neck and then where would you be? **

Enjolras: **You swim alone, climb trees, rescue servants, is there anything you can't do?**

Eponine: **Fly. Now turn around, I am coming back down**

Me: Now this is the part where a gypsy punches you in the face Enjolras. 

Bahorel: Finally I get a part 

Grantaire: Well that's fitting 

Enjolras: Bahorel punching me in the face? Well, I guess that _ is_ fitting on this glorious day. 

Me: Well, he won't really punch you, just trick photography… 

Enjolras: It doesn't really matter 

Eponine: Stop sounding so despondent, I feel bad enough as it is! 

Enjolras: I'm sorry Eponine, I would never want to say anything to hurt you. 

Eponine: What do you want me to do? What? I'll do it, just tell me! 

Enjolras: Just climb down your tree 

Eponine: No, I will not come down until you forgive me 

Enjolras: Well then you are going to be up there for a very long time 

Eponine: Please Enjolras, you were always such a gentleman and I know that you still are. I know that I'm a horrible person but you just have to forgive me, you just have to. I don't think I can take it to have you hate me. 

Enjolras: I don't hate you Eponine. Please, just come down from the tree. 

Eponine: Fine, I'll come down. Let's finish the scene. 

Enjolras: Fine. _::Bahorel 'punches' Henry and a fight ensues:: _**Stay aloft madam, there are games afoot**

Courfeyrac: (as gypsy leader, picking up Danielle's dress with his sword) **My wife thanks you for this fine garment mademoiselle.**

Eponine: **You will return my dress sir **_::Enjolras punches out Bahorel, Eponine jumps on Courfeyrac. But Eponine is caught and a knife put to her throat::_

Enjolras: **Let her go, your quarrel is with me **_::They let Eponine go::_

Eponine: **I demand that you return my dress and since you have deprived me of my escort I demand a horse as well. **

Courfeyrac: **My lady, you may have anything you can carry**

Eponine: **Do I have your word on that sir?**

Courfeyrac: **On my honor as a gypsy, whatever you can carry **_::Eponine goes to Enjolras to pick him up::_

Enjolras: Oh no, let me at least keep this shred of dignity 

Me: It's in the script 

Eponine: I won't drop you, I picked up Cosette in the last play 

Enjolras: That is not what I am worried about. But to think of a female picking me up, and in this costume! 

Courfeyrac: It is only for a moment 

Me: Please, we are getting so far in the movie. Please, oh please, oh please?! 

Enjolras: Can't I have a body double or something? 

Grantaire: I'll do it 

Eponine: Sorry Grantaire, I don't know if I can pick you up 

Me: Besides, it is only for one scene! 

Enjolras: Oh, I know I am going to regret this… 

_::Eponine picks up Enjolras and carries him away, while the band of gypsies/students laugh)::_

Eponine: You weigh less than Cosette. 

Enjolras: Please, I cannot talk to you when you are carrying me around in your undergarments. I may not have any dignity left, but I do have some sense of decency. 

Eponine: Oh please, it's not like you haven't seen all this before 

Enjolras: Actually… 

Courfeyrac: **Come back, come back, I'll give you a horse!**

Eponine: Don't you ever get tired of being perfect? 

Enjolras: Do you ever get tired of Marius? _::Eponine puts him down::_

Me: Okay, now we're in the gypsy camp and you both have a mug of ale and you are sitting around a fire playing 'secrets' Henry, you lose 

Eponine: **It is your turn, and it had better be good**

Enjolras: **I have no desire to be king**

Eponine: **But think of all the good you can do for your country, for the world.**

Enjolras: **But to be so defined by you position, you have no idea**

Eponine: **You might be surprised. A gypsy, for example, is never painted as anything else, but it is not who they are. They are defined by their title just as you are by yours. You have been born to privilege and with that comes specific obligations. I am sorry, it seems my mouth has run away with me again.**

Enjolras: **No, my lady, it is your mouth that has me hypnotized.**

Me: (in a whisper) Now you are supposed to kiss 

Enjolras: I can't do it. 

Me: You have to 

Enjolras: I can't 

Grantaire: You have lips, she has lips. You obviously _ can_ do it. 

Enjolras: Grantaire… 

Grantaire: It's true 

Me: Just do it! 

Eponine: If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't have to do it. 

Me: Oh yes he does! It is one of the best parts of the entire movie! 

Enjolras: I won't do it! 

Me: You have to do it! 

Enjolras: I won't do it! 

Me: I insist that you do it! 

Eponine: No, I am too hideous, he can't even bear the thought, look at him! 

Enjolras: Eponine- 

Eponine: No, admit it, you can't stand the sight of me. You want someone more like Cosette, all peaches and cream. 

Enjolras: At least she would remember my name 

Eponine: I know your name! Enjolras, Enjolras, Enjolras, Enjolras! 

Enjolras: Eponine… 

Eponine: Enjolras, Enjolras, Enjolras, Enjolras, Enjol- 

Enjolras: Eponine… 

Eponine: Just admit it, admit that you are repulsed by me! 

Enjolras: Eponine- 

Eponine: Admit it! 

Enjolras: I am not repulsed by you! I think you are one of the prettiest, sweetest, most refreshing people I have ever met and- _::He never got to finish his sentence because Eponine fairly launched herself at him::_

Grantaire: Wow, that is something I never thought I would live to see. 

Marius: Technically, you didn't 

Grantaire: Good point. 

Courfeyrac: Look at Enjolras, he has no idea where to put his hands 

Grantaire: I could tell him where to- 

Marius: Grantaire, remember, you are in the presence of my wife! 

Grantaire: Oh, sorry. I could also tell _ you_ where to- 

Marius: That is enough! 

Grantaire: Wow, they're really going at it 

Courfeyrac: I think it is more Eponine than Enjolras 

Combeferre: I think I would die of shock if I found out that Enjolras had initiated such a kiss. 

Grantaire: I would be proud. 

Courfeyrac: It would mean that we have succeeded in corrupting him 

Grantaire: Oh, I cannot believe we have this entire on tape 

Courfeyrac: Enjolras will never live this down 

Combeferre: This is so weird. Another sign of the apocalypse is when Enjolras begins enjoying having someone throw herself at him. 

Grantaire: If he begins to enjoy this we are never going to have any women for ourselves. 

Courfeyrac: Let us pray that he is a monogamous sort of person. 

Combeferre: I have a feeling he is. 

Grantaire: That's a relief _::eventually Eponine did relinquish hold of Enjolras, and the look on his face cannot be described, you will have to order the videotape::_

Enjolras: Uh, ahem, yes, um, unh, well, yes. That was, um, quite an experience, oh my. 

Courfeyrac: That is the least comprehensible sentence he has ever uttered 

Combeferre: But it was about equal to Grantaire's speech after a particularly large quantity of alcohol. 

Grantaire: (taking a particularly large gulp of wine) You can say that again. 

Me: What in the world was that? I mean, that was Enjolras, wasn't it? It sure looked like him. But he was kissing Eponine, so it obviously wasn't him, but- 

Combeferre: Don't try to rationalize 

Fantine: Oh, that was so sweet _::aside to Cosette:: _I want you to stay away from those two, they're trouble 

Eponine: For someone who never kisses you sure are good at it _::at this Enjolras begins to redden, the amis see a great opportunity.:: _

Courfeyrac: Enjolras, why I had no idea 

Feuilly: No better than Grantaire 

Combeferre: Friends, maybe we shouldn't- 

Javert: (well, of course he was never one to keep his mouth shut) I should arrest you, gallivanting around with the street harlot, I knew it all along! 

Valjean: Yes Javert, you're always right, you know everything 

Javert: Don't patronize me 9430 

Valjean: Hey, at least use my first number, that one is so much easier to rhyme 

Javert: What? 

Me: Okay, so um, yes, we have a kiss on tape, but we, um, want to keep this rated PG-13 _::Enjolras reddens slightly more:: _

Enjolras: It was not that bad! 

Grantaire: Our chaste statue just kissed a girl! On tape! 

Enjolras: Oh, I forgot about the tape _::Though Enjolras was nowhere near red, it was amazing how very close HE was getting:: _

Me: Don't worry, we can't use that take 

Courfeyrac: Which means you will have to do it again! 

Enjolras: You will all pay for this mocking someday. 

Grantaire: Ah, but to live for the moment, that is how we shall play out today's events. 

Enjolras: I never once mocked you for all of your gallivanting 

Grantaire: I guess that means that all we can do is glare 

Jehan: (quietly) he does have a point 

Combeferre: (almost equally quiet) You always glare when others talk of their love life 

Enjolras: I have no desire to speak of my love life, it is all of you who want to make something private, public 

Jehan: He has a point with that too 

Grantaire: Don't listen to him boys! I say that from this day on we shall have no more rigid glares or piercing stares from our fearless leader! I say we stop his oppression! Who's with me? 

Me: Grantaire, we don't have time for this 

Courfeyrac: She's right, Enjolras still has to kiss Eponine. 

Enjolras: But, we just did this! 

Me: But there are going to be children watching this movie! 

Enjolras: You are exaggerating 

Me: Really? Let's go to the tape then! 

Enjolras: No! That will not be necessary 

Grantaire: Actually, I think we should see it. 

Enjolras: That tape is being deleted 

Javert: No, if I must I will have to take the tape into custody as evidence 

Enjolras: Evidence for what?! 

Javert: Gallivanting around with a minor! 

Eponine: Am not! 

Me: No, I'm keeping this tape 

Courfeyrac: I'll pay you for it, please, at least give us a copy of it! 

Grantaire: We need proof that our chaste leader isn't quite so chaste! 

Enjolras: I am too! 

Eponine: Truth be told Enjolras, it wasn't quite so chaste in my book! 

Enjolras: Eponine! _::Enjolras was getting even closer to being red now:: _

Eponine: But Enjy, it's the truth! Can we just, um, finish this conversation so that we can- _::whispers in Enjolras's ear:: _

Enjolras: (who is quite red and flustered by now) Oh my! 

Combeferre: I have never seen him so- 

Grantaire: Completely out of it! 

Combeferre: I guess it is quite wasteful to stay chaste for the republic when we aren't really even in France anymore. 

Grantaire: Yes, quite wasteful indeed. But still, it's Enjolras, I never even knew that he had those thoughts anywhere in his head! 

Combeferre: He is human you know! 

Grantaire: I refuse to believe that! Our statue has taken to life and he is quite the little womanizer 

Enjolras: I would never- 

Grantaire: Oh, give it up, we all saw you, that was no innocent kiss! 

Enjolras: Like you would know what an innocent kiss was! 

Grantaire: Touché! 

Me: Okay, now everyone back in his or her places, the campfire kiss again, and remember, children will be watching! 

Enjolras: I am never going to live this down 

Eponine: Is that really so bad? 

Enjolras: **No, my lady, it is your mouth that has me hypnotized. **_::He leans towards her slowly, they kiss, modestly of course, because, well, there ARE children watching! The amis/gypsies laugh _(it is in the script) _and the two break apart. Though instead of Eponine blushing as was in the script, it was Enjolras who was the redder of the two:: _

Me: Okay cut! 

Enjolras: Okay, fine, um, can we have a break? 

Me: Just one more short scene. Now the gypsies gave you a horse and you two ride back to the manor. 

Enjolras: (helping Eponine onto the horse) After you. 

Eponine: Thank you 

Grantaire: This is so sweet it's sickening, I think I'm going to throw up 

Joly: You can say that again. 

Me: Now you ride back to the manor 

Enjolras: You mean that there is only one horse? 

Me: Yes, now get on! 

Enjolras: Oh, I guess, if I must…_::gets on horse, Eponine puts her arms around his waste:: _What the- 

Me: It's in the script! 

Enjolras: Oh, give me strength! 

Grantaire: To resist her temptations 

Enjolras: I did not say that 

Grantaire: But you meant it 

Me: Okay, now ride to the manor and now you get off the horse Enjolras. 

Enjolras: Well, then that was pointless _::he moves to get off the horse but he can't:: _Um, Eponine, I have to get off the horse now 

Eponine: But Enjy, I like it this way 

Enjolras: Well, I agree with that Eponine _::he smiles, she swoons:: _But, after the scene we can have a break- 

Eponine: Enough said! 

_::Enjolras gets off horse, lifts Eponine off horse::_

Enjolras: **You saved my life back there you know.**

Eponine: **A girl does what she can sire**

Enjolras: **Henry.**

Eponine: **Henry … **_::yet another kiss::_

Enjolras: **Do you know the ruins at Amboise?**

Eponine: **Yes**

Enjolras: **Will you meet me there tomorrow?**

Eponine: **I shall try**

Enjolras: **Then I will wait all day **_::Eponine walks to her house, Enjolras leaves:: _

Me: One more tiny scene. The setting is in the castle, Henry comes back to the castle and flings open the curtains of his parents room. 

Fantine: Oh wait, if I'm the queen and Javert is the king and we are in our room, in our bed... 

Javert: Oh, no, I will not, I will not be in bed with a prostitute! 

Fantine: Hey, I don't do that anymore, I mean, I was desperate! 

Javert: I have a reputation to uphold, think of what the prefect would say! 

Fantine: I have put all of that behind me! 

Javert: But then the boy has gone against all of his beliefs 

Enjolras: I still have my beliefs! 

Javert: Then why are you out gallivanting with the- 

Eponine: Street harlot, yes we know, shut up! 

Me: Here we go again… 

Valjean: Javert, let's not get into this! 

Javert: Well, just because the boy has become a womanizer does not mean that I am going to get into bed with a prostitute! 

Enjolras: I am not a womanizer! 

Me: Javert, do the scene! 

Javert: Oh, the prefect will have my head _::he reluctantly gets into the bed with Fantine, nearly falling off his edge for trying to stay away from her:: _

Me: Good boy! 

Javert: I am not a dog 

Eponine: Well,- 

Azelma: Eponine! He is in a bad enough mood as it is! 

Me: Do the scene and you can have a break afterwards 

Eponine: My lips are sealed 

Grantaire: For the moment being anyway _::he was rewarded with a glare from Enjolras and an elbow from Combeferre, though the rest of the amis had to hide their laughter:: _

_::Enjolras opens the curtains:: _

Javert: (sleepily) **Off…with…his…head **

Fantine: **Wake up Francis, our son has something to tell us **Ewww, Javert's son, that would be a sight 

Enjolras: **I want to build a university where anyone can study no matter what the rank.**

Javert: **All right, who are you and what have you done with our son?**

Enjolras: **And I want to invite the gypsies to the ball.**

Me: Okay, now you have a break 

Eponine: Finally! Enjolras, could you um, help me with my costume? 

Enjolras: (turning red, and just after his normal color had returned) Well, I mean, your costume- 

Eponine: Just come on _::he follows as the others look after him laughing:: _

Grantaire: Oh, I am ashamed 

Combeferre: It is utterly astonishing 

Me: Don't forget, it's only a fifteen-minute break! 

Grantaire: He's waited a long time for this 

Combeferre: Oh, I'd be surprised if he did anymore than what we've seen so far 

Courfeyrac: But if you had been waiting 24 years, well, I never knew how he did it 

Me: Ugh, men! 

Courfeyrac: If those walls could talk 

Grantaire: You're insane, Enjolras is going to be chaste until the day he dies 

Marius: Tell that to Eponine 

Combeferre: Do we have nothing better to do than gossip like silly schoolgirls about Enjolras's love life? 

Bossuet: Truthfully? No! 

Enjolras: _::coming out disheveled:: _Where is a republic to stay chaste for when you need one? 

Eponine:_ ::coming out a bit more calm:: _ Do you really want to stay chaste all your life? 

Enjolras: I'm not completely insane if that's what you're asking 

Eponine: Wait, I have an idea _::she goes to __Grantaire::_ Can I borrow your watch? 

Grantaire: Anything for a lady 

Eponine: Thank you! Okay Enjolras, now stare at the swinging watch 

Enjolras: I don't know what you're trying to do but- 

Eponine: Just watch it! You're getting sleepy, very sleepy _::Enjolras eventually falls into a stupor:: _ From now on you will not be so stuffy, or chaste or concerned with decency or the such. And you will only return to normal when I say the words, um, let's see, Liberty, Equality and Fraternity! Now when I snap my fingers you will wake up _::she snaps her fingers, Enjolras wakes up:: _

Enjolras: I tell you it is not going to work 

Eponine: If you say so Enjolras… 

Enjolras: By Rousseau, you are gorgeous! 

Azelma: I think it worked 

Enjolras: I have never seen such an exquisitely stunning creature in all my life! 

Eponine: (Smiling) Would you like to go backstage with me? 

Enjolras: More than anything _::They leave, walking backstage:: _

Combeferre: I cannot think that this is a good idea 

Feuilly: This cannot be good 

Bossuet: Only something bad can come of this 

Me: Twenty five minutes and that's it you two! 

Grantaire: I cannot believe this… 

_Twenty five minutes later_

Me: Break's over! 

_::Enjolras and Eponine emerge from backstage, a little wobbly on their feet:: _

Bossuet: Look at him 

Combeferre: His pants are wrinkled 

Courfeyrac: His shirt's undone 

Feuilly: His vest is inside out 

Bahorel: His tie is around his forehead! 

Grantaire: Didn't he go backstage in his prince costume? 

Azelma: But Eponine looks happy… 

Cosette: And her clothes are on right 

Me: But, well, she was wearing the blue dress, and now she's wearing the servant dress 

Eponine: I, um changed for the next scene 

Grantaire: Sure you did 

Eponine: Hey, what we do on our own time is our business! Isn't that right Enjy? 

Enjolras: _::Who looks as if he doesn't even know where he is:: _What? Yes! We do what we want, down with oppression. Huzzah! _::He sits down with Grantaire:: _Ah, absinthe, may I? 

Grantaire: (who looks positively horrified) Enjolras, this is liquor, it will intoxicate you! You will not be clear-headed! 

Enjolras: I am not clear headed as it is and I have already been intoxicated. _::he looks at Eponine who smiles back:: _Why didn't any of you tell me what I was missing? _::He takes a large gulp from the bottle:: _Ah, green fairy- 

Grantaire: Have you gone insane? 

Enjolras: No, I was insane before. You all new what I was missing and you never told me! I should deck you right here! 

Grantaire: He's insane! 

Combeferre: May mercy come to us all! 

Courfeyrac: It's Armageddon! 

Feuilly: Eponine, what have you done? 

Grantaire: You've turned him into a monster 

Eponine: I like him like this, you wouldn't understand. 

Enjolras: When is our next break? 

Grantaire: Ugh, stop leering at Eponine! 

Me: You have to change back into your prince costume. 

Enjolras: Oh, I'm not wearing it? _::he looks down:: _Oh, it seems I am not 

Me: Go change! 

Enjolras: Eponine, would you like to help me? 

Eponine: But of course! 

Me: Hey, you have only 15 minutes! 

Eponine: But that's not enough time! 

Javert: _::shudders:: _WAY too much information. 

Gavroche: Just because you haven't gotten any in a while- 

Javert: And what would you know of it?! 

Gavroche: It's me who runs this town, I know everything! 

Eponine: Come on Enjy! 

Enjolras: I think you should call me by my first name 

Eponine: Oh, I'd love to! What is it? 

Enjolras: It's- _::But of course there was an interruption, a feminine scream actually, from the direction of where Cosette and Marius were:: _

Valjean: Cosette, what's wrong?! 

Cosette: It wasn't me papa, it was Marius. 

Marius: There was a bee…? 

Cosette: That's my line! 

Javert: The boy screams like a girl, ha! 

Marius: Javert, you're so mean! 

Cosette: Leave my Marius alone! 

Me: Hey, where did Eponine and Enjolras go? 

Grantaire: They're probably 'changing into their costumes', ha, sure, I believe that. 

Combeferre: When Enjolras wakes up and is restored to his regular self, he is not going to be happy. 

Grantaire: Au contraire, I think he is going to be VERY happy! 

Me: They have 15 minutes! 

Valjean: Oh, it's young love, let them be. 

Me: They are in the middle of a movie! 

Grantaire: Well, you could tape them and make it the wedding night scene 

Combeferre: Grantaire! Enjolras would strangle all of us with his bare hands. 

Courfeyrac: But Grantaire first. 

Joly: Hypnosis isn't real! 

Combeferre: If it isn't then Enjolras really has gone insane 

Feuilly: Maybe he's like Jekyll and Hyde… 

Joly: He does not have split personalities 

Grantaire: If he did then he hid the other one very well. 

Jehan: I'm scared 

Bossuet: It is rather disconcerting 

Bahorel: If Enjolras can become a womanizing alcoholic then there is nothing in the world we can count on 

Courfeyrac: Why that means that one day Grantaire could decide to stay sober. 

Grantaire: Hey, I could if I wanted to! 

Bossuet: Prove it! 

Grantaire: I renounce alcohol for the day! 

Joly: We'll see, I doubt that it is humanly possible for someone who consumes so much alcohol to just give it up 

Grantaire: I'll drink something else. What is that clear non-alcoholic liquid many people drink? 

Azelma: Water? 

Grantaire: That's it! 

Me: You could try coffee 

Grantaire: Ugh, never,_ that _ stuff'll kill ya! 

Azelma: Try some _::he does:: _

Grantaire: It does nothing for me, but boy am I awake! 

Me: It's been fifteen minutes, someone go get them! 

Combeferre: I'm not going back there 

Courfeyrac: Enjolras would kill us 

Feuilly: And eww 

Bossuet: Let's wait until there done 

Bahorel: Enjolras would be furious 

Azelma: I'm too young to go back there 

Marius: I don't want Cosette to go anywhere near them 

Cosette: And I don't want Marius to go, you know how Eponine is like! 

Courfeyrac: I think he is the last thing in her mind right now. 

Javert: Well, I certainly won't go 

Fantine: I would go, but it wouldn't be a very proper thing to do 

Valjean: That is about the last thing I need at my age 

Gavroche: She's my sister! 

Me: Grantaire? 

Grantaire: I'd go, but this coffee, why it's amazing _::drinks another glass down:: _

Montparnasse: I'll go! 

Me: I so do not trust you! 

Courfeyrac: Enjolras would kill you 

Montparnasse: Fine, then you go. 

Me: Maybe we should just wait… 

_One hour later _

Me: This is ridiculous, we're wasting so much time 

Valjean: Let's have some lunch 

Combeferre: I could go for some pizza 

Bahorel: I want burgers 

Javert: I want Chinese food 

Bossuet: Fried chicken! 

Me: We might as well order everything, find the yellow pages 

_20 minutes or less later_

Javert: Pass the chicken 

Gavroche: I want an egg roll 

Courfeyrac: Now this is pizza 

Valjean: Pass the French fries 

Joly: I need ketchup! 

Grantaire: We're out of coffee! 

_Thirty minutes after that_

Valjean: Now I'm just bored 

Javert: What could be taking so long? 

Gavroche: Told you he hasn't gotten any in a looooooooong time! 

_Two hours later_

Me: This is impossible, I'm going back there! But I want someone to come with me… 

Grantaire: I'll go, let me just get another cup o' joe 

Me: I am a little afraid 

Grantaire: We'll warn them that we're coming by singing really loud 

Me: Okay, song preference? 

Grantaire: Any drinking song is good with me 

Me: I don't know any 

Grantaire: How about 99 bottles of beer on the wall? 

Me: No!!! We'll sing, oh, something from the new Jane Eyre musical! 

Grantaire: You are not going to make us perform that, are you? 

Me: For now, no, but you never know. 

_::We sing ** Sirens** quite loudly and badly::_

Grantaire: You know that isn't a bad song 

Me: I know, It's superb! 

Grantaire: Hello?! _::knocking on door::_

Enjolras: Is there something you wanted? _::rubbing his head::_

Me: Oh good, you're here 

Grantaire: And dressed 

Me: You know, we were wondering if you would just finish the movie? There aren't a whole lot of scenes left… 

Enjolras: Very well, I'm coming 

Grantaire: So Enjolras,- 

Enjolras: Not a word Grantaire! 

Me: Where's Eponine? 

Enjolras: Well… 

Me: Did something happen? 

Grantaire: Of course something happened, they were gone for over three hours 

Enjolras: No, well, yes, oh, my head hurts 

Grantaire: Here, try this coffee, it's marvelous 

Enjolras: Grantaire, are you sober? 

Grantaire: Sober as the day I was born 

Enjolras: Utterly incredible 

Eponine: _::emerging from somewhere or other:: _We were wondering if you would ever look for us 

Me: You've been gone over three hours 

Eponine: That's not my fault 

Me: You two didn't………? 

Eponine: No. 

Grantaire: Then why were you gone so long? 

Eponine: Grantaire, are you sober? 

Grantaire: Sober as a man realizing he is dead 

Eponine: Utterly incredible 

Me: So why were you gone so long? 

Eponine: Well, we were kissing and I accidentally said Liberty, Equality and Fraternity 

Grantaire: How in the world did that come out? 

Eponine: You don't want to know… 

Me: So then what took so long? 

Eponine: He is quite embarrassed of how he acted and does not want to show his face 

Me: Oh, poor boy 

Eponine: And it seems that he does not hold his liquor well 

Grantaire: What a surprise… 

Enjolras: Yes, all right, let's get on with this… 

Eponine: Can I borrow your watch again Grantaire? 

Grantaire: Of course, but I don't know if that is a good idea 

Eponine: Oh, we'll see. I'll do it later, thanks Grantaire! 

Grantaire: Anything for a lady… 

Me: Okay, now that we are all back to work, Danielle wakes up but she is very tired because she was out so late with Henry. And then Danielle finds her mother and Marguerite trying on Danielle's mothers dress. 

Eponine: **What do you think you are doing?**

Cosette: **Trying on my dress for the ball **

Eponine: **This is my mother's dress, these are my mother's shoes**

Cosette: **Yes, and she's dead** Oh, I am so very mean!!! 

Me: Okay, now you are really angry and you punch her 

Eponine: I'm having mixed feelings about this, I do want to punch Cosette but I'm over Marius and Enjolras has made me happy so I don't really feel the need. 

Me: That's good because we are using trick photography 

Eponine: Darn! 

Me: Okay, you punch her she flips over the bed, you say you are going to rip her hair out, she runs away. She grabs your copy of Utopia 

Enjolras: Utopia… 

Me: And she threatens to throw it into the fireplace unless you give up the shoes. You do but Marguerite throws the book into the fire anyway 

Cosette: I'm so mean! 

Marius: It's okay honey, it's not real. 

Cosette: Still…. 

Me: And then the Baroness whips you 

Mme. Thenardier: I would never, well, maybe the lark, but not my own daughter. 

Me: But in the movie she's your stepdaughter. Anyway, then we see Jacqueline and Danielle bond 

Azelma: Huzzah, I actually get lines! 

Me: Because she helps Danielle dress her wounds. Then she goes to meet Henry at Amboise 

Courfeyrac: Am I the only one wondering what happened backstage? 

Grantaire: Our poor boy didn't get any in all those three hours… 

Bahorel: Poor Enjolras… 

Grantaire: But Eponine is going to try hypnotizing him again 

Combeferre: I still do not know how the three ideals of the French Revolution were mentioned while they were kissing… 

Grantaire: It's Enjolras, would you expect any less? 

Jehan: You have a point 

Me: Okay, they're at Amboise and Danielle tries to tell Henry that she is a servant but cannot because she realizes that she loves him 

Fantine: Oh, how sweet 

Me: But then when he kisses her… 

Enjolras: If we must _::they do as I have said:: _

Me: But Henry puts his arms around Danielle and she cries out because of all her wounds and she runs away. When she returns home the Baroness locks Danielle in the cellar, because they realize that she was seeing the prince 

Cosette: More meanness! 

Me: And the queen tells Henry that 'Comtesse Nicole de Lancret' is engaged to a Belgium. 

Cosette: Oh, how evil! 

Me: And so it's the night of the ball and Henry is all sad. Danielle is let out of the cellar by Leonardo da Vinci and she dresses in her mother's dress and shoes. Leonardo makes her wings for her dress and tells her to got o the ball and tell Henry the truth. So everyone, go mingle! 

Grantaire: You know Azelma, we're supposed to be in love 

Azelma: How's your coffee? 

Grantaire: Black, but oh, it does a body good! 

Me: And now the king begins to make the announcement of Henry's marriage, and here comes Danielle 

Javert: Finally some lines….. 

Me: But Henry sees Danielle and stops his father and runs to her 

Enjolras: **My mother said you were getting married **

Eponine: **She was misinformed, but there is something I must tell you before another word is spoken **

Enjolras: **So then you're not engaged **

Eponine: **No. **

Enjolras: **Come, I want you to meet my parents**

Eponine: **Wait, I really must-**

Enjolras: **Look, I invited the gypsies to the ball**

Me: Now the Baroness saw this whole thing and she wants to put a stop to it. She rips off one of Danielle's wings and denounces her 

Eponine: **Nicole de Lancret was my mother, I am what she says**

Enjolras: **The apple? That was you? **

Eponine: **I can explain**

Javert: **Well someone had better!** Tell me quickly what's the story- 

Enjolras: **First you are engaged and now you are a servant? I have heard enough**

Eponine: **Henry, please-**

Me: Now everyone gasp, because a servant just called the prince of France by his first name.   

All: **Gasp!**

Enjolras: **You will not address me so informal madam. I am a prince of France and you are just like them. **

Me: And Danielle runs out crying and she loses one of her shoes and da Vinci picks it up and confronts Henry and they have a fight and Leonardo leaves the shoe for Henry to think about… 

Eponine: Enjolras? 

Enjolras: Yes Eponine? _::she swings the watch and before he realizes it he is in a stupor again:: _

Javert: Oh, here we go again 

Cosette: If you like Enjolras so much I don't see why you have to keep hypnotizing him… 

Eponine: Now, you will stop being so bashful and stuffy and decent again, got it. And you shall only come out of it when I say the words 'I'm so happy for you and Cosette, Marius' _::she snaps her fingers he wakes:: _

Cosette: So in other words, she is never going to let him out of his trance 

Enjolras: Oh, what happened? There you are my beauty _::he pulls Eponine to him and begins to kiss her shamelessly:: _

Combeferre: Now I've seen everything 

Enjolras: May we have another break? 

Me: No! No more breaks! 

Enjolras: But we have to change our costumes! 

Grantaire: They've got you on a technicality 

Me: Darn it! Fine, ten minutes!!! I swear, if you take 3 hours again- 

Eponine: We won't, we have all night once the movie is finished 

Jehan: Is anyone else scared? 

Combeferre: I am 

Grantaire: I think we all are… 

_Ten minutes later _ Me: Your time is up, come out with your hands up! 

Grantaire: Is it just me or isn't Enjolras supposed to be wearing a shirt? 

Cosette: Oh my! 

Marius: _::covering Cosette's eyes:: _Enjolras!!! 

Enjolras: Oh my, let me just, okay, there, I am fully dressed! 

Combeferre: Heaven help us! 

Me: I am seriously disturbed 

Combeferre: I do not like the turn that this has taken 

Courfeyrac: I agree 

Jehan: Extremely disturbing 

Grantaire: I'm going to have nightmares about this 

Eponine: You're all just jealous! 

Combeferre: Oh, of course 

Grantaire: Jealous 

Courfeyrac: Of you 

Feuilly: And him 

Grantaire: Ha! 

Enjolras: Must you mock everything my darling says? 

Javert: Ugh, Now he sounds like the other annoying one! 

Marius: My name is Marius! _::Javert and Valjean burst out laughing, they just can not help themselves:: _

Cosette: Papa! 

Valjean: I'm sorry darling, I didn't mean it, it's all Javert's fault. 

Javert: Yes, blame everything on me 

Me: Let's just do the next scene! 

Enjolras: Yes, let's, the sooner we are done… 

Eponine: You read my mind… 

Joly: Eww, I'm going to be sick!!! 

Me: _::shudders:: _Anyway, Danielle is working in the field and the Baroness comes and they fight and the Baroness tells Danielle that she never loved her and then the Baroness sells her to LePieu. 

Cosette: Wow, that's really mean! 

Eponine: You can say that again 

Javert: (to Marius) Don't you even dare! 

Marius: I'm not that annoying. Why do so many people think that I'm stupid? 

Javert: Well- 

Valjean: Don't you dare be mean to my son-in-law! 

Javert: Well, he just makes it so easy! 

Me: People please!!! Ok and now Enjolras is in the church, about to be married to the Spanish Princess 

Musichetta: I can't believe I actually have a part! 

Enjolras: I don't understand, why would I be getting married to the Spanish princess if I love Eponine? Sorry Musichetta, but just look at Eponine, she is amazing! 

Eponine: Oh Enjy, you're so sweet! 

Musichetta: No offense taken. (to Joly) They really are making me sick 

Grantaire: I know it's scary 

Me: Okay, so cue the music and Musichetta, start crying 

Musichetta: Can do! 

Me: And Enjolras, look unhappy and a bit confused 

Enjolras: How can I be unhappy when I am near an angel? 

Me: If you two don't stop I'll make Eponine leave! 

Enjolras: Oh, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment… 

Eponine: He's so much sweeter this way 

Grantaire: Sweeter? He's a pig! 

Eponine: No, he's so romantic 

Grantaire: He's a liar, he's not really that charming 

Me: Okay, and when Musichetta gets there Enjolras, realize how stupid this situation is and start laughing. Then tell her that she can marry her true love because you need to go find yours. But you find out Danielle has been sold and leave to go find her. 

Cosette: (To Mme. Thenardier) You're really mean _::Mme. Thenardier hisses at Cosette and Cosette steps back frightened:: _

Valjean: Now we'll have none of that! 

Me: And so then we see Danielle at LePieu's and she's in chains carrying some swords to him 

Montparnasse: **En-ter **

Eponine: Parnasse, you're bald! 

Montparnasse: It's just a special effect Ponine 

Eponine: Good, I was worried for a moment 

Me: Anyway, Le Pieu wants Danielle and he touches her hair 

Eponine: **You will keep your distance sir. **

Me: And he tries to kiss you 

Enjolras: Never, try and I will cut off your tongue scoundrel! 

Eponine: Enjolras, it's okay, it's just acting 

Enjolras: But Eponine, I don't want him touching you 

Eponine: Silly boy, if Parnasse tries anything I will tell you and then you can beat him up, okay? 

Enjolras: (to Montparnasse) Come on punk, make my day… 

Me: But she grabs his dagger and cuts his face and then gets the key from him and leaves the castle _::They do the scene:: _

Enjolras: That was all a bit too realistic for my tastes 

Eponine: He's kind of possessive, ain't he? 

Azelma: Maybe it's just the hypnotizing 

Joly: You can't hypnotize someone to do anything they truly do not want to do. Everything that a hypnotized person does is just an acute show of how they really feel. 

Marius: Duh… 

Grantaire: No, I refuse to believe that Apollo is really a boozing, possessive womanizer under the surface 

Joly: I agree Grantaire, but studies show… 

Eponine: So maybe I can bring out the wild side of Enjolras without hypnotism? 

Grantaire: Fat chance! 

Cosette: It would be better than having to hypnotize him whenever you wanted some. 

Marius and Valjean: Cosette! 

Cosette: Papa, I'm married, I think I know what I'm talking about. And I mean, Marius, get over it! 

Me: More power to you Cosette! 

Cosette: What? 

Me: Nothing. And so we have a joyous reunion in which Henry apologizes for acting like such a bad person and asks Danielle to marry him. 

Enjolras: **But I would feel like a king if you, Danielle de Barbarac would be my wife. **

Me: He puts the shoe on her foot and then she jumps into his arms and he spins her around and she kisses him many times 

Eponine: Oh, what fun! 

Joly: If I was spun around like that I think I would get sick. 

Me: And then there's another scene where Laurent tells the Baroness and Marguerite to go to the palace. 

Enjolras: Is this movie almost over? 

Me: Almost! And then they come and they think Henry is going to pick Marguerite but he doesn't and they get sentenced to being servants. 

Eponine: **I want you to know that from this moment on…(etc) **

Me: And the last scene is where Valjean shows Eponine the painting he made and they kiss and Enjolras and Eponine live happily ever after!!! 

Azelma: Huzzah, it's over!!! 

Enjolras: Finally 

Eponine: We're going to go now… 

Enjolras: Definitely. 

Me: Fine go, you guys are so nauseating!!! 

Grantaire: Wait, this cannot go on, Eponine, you have to unhypnotize him! 

Eponine: No! I like him like this! 

Combeferre: But it isn't right 

Eponine: But if I unhypnotize him he won't be as wildly cool! 

Courfeyrac: Come on Eponine… 

Cosette: You can work with him and make him come out of his shell 

Grantaire: I don't think Enjolras was ever in a shell… 

Eponine: And that would mean I would have to tell Marius and Cosette that I was happy for them! 

Marius: Eponine! 

Eponine: Fine, you are all so mean, you never let me have any fun!!! Here it goes, ahem, 'I'm so happy for you and (gulp) Cosette, Marius' 

Cosette: Well thank you Eponine. 

Enjolras: What? What happened? Oh no, not again… 

Grantaire: Good morning Enjolras. 

Enjolras: Oh no… 

Eponine: Enjolras, I swear- 

Enjolras: I remember everything 

Joly: Uh oh… 

Combeferre: This is not going to be a pretty sight 

Enjolras: I can't believe what **you** did! 

Eponine: Enjolras, I- 

Enjolras: I can't believe what **I** did! 

Eponine: Enjolras, you- 

Enjolras: I can't believe what **WE** did! 

Eponine: It's not that big a deal Enjolras! 

Enjolras: Well then there's only one thing to be done 

Grantaire: I have a bad feeling about this… 

Enjolras: Eponine, would you do me the honor of being my wife? 

Me: Oh dear…… 


End file.
